It's Time

...to do away with regression therapies, and move forward to progressive thoughts. I have come to realize that some ghosts will ride with me 'til I die...still other's I will never share/cannot ever share, with any other soul...these, I recognize, serve as a penance, if you will; the down cycle of the Karmic wheel....the reaction to the action. I have accepted that no amount of discussion can ever cleanse me of these, and so I carry them silently with me to the pyre as designed.

Okay, so let's break this down a bit...

...obviously from my writing it is crystal clear that a hint of non-conformity to societal doctrines is present...a throwback to the 60's I am perhaps, and as CSNY framed it best, 'Carry On'...and I do. Like Wavy Gravy and Country Joe.

My spiritual roots are based in 'Eastern' philosophical loam...teachings of The Bhagavad Gita, Bhakti Yoga, Karma Yoga, and simply, Humanity, but I find at present the way of the Bodhisattva (Buddhism ), and Tao, or literally, 'the way', as the easiest concept for the unfamiliar, or novice 'God-seeker' to grasp ... as I don't have what I would consider a personal relationship with a "god' as of yet, although I have been my happiest in Krishna Consciousness, I find myself still getting angry at God (or the concept of 'him') ...I guess much the way he gets angry with me...so I call it a draw.

1.) This is not to say that I don't believe in Jesus...most likely I do, but only as a mortal teacher of 'Godly' ways....if I am to believe that Jesus is the son of God, then God raped and impregnated the Virgin Mary, and coveted Joseph's wife (there are some commandments being broken here...to the best of my Biblical knowledge, and I just cannot tolerate that canon). Fuzzy logic to me.

So, in my feeble mind, it follows that such great teacher's as below are all 'God' incarnate, or walked this walk after being deposited here by an alien space race ~ or could this concept be that we (us, the human race) simply need to assign something 'tangible' to the god concept to hold onto to assure us that this life is not in futile vain, and that there is a force 'out there' that loves us:

a) Buddha - mortal man...the 'enlightended one' concept, and first teacher of disassociation to attachment and doing 'un' to others ~ lead by example

b) Lao Tzu- mortal monk and one of many teachers of the way (Tao) ~ basis behind Buddhism, Hinduism, and even Plato...harmony achieved by total acceptance of change, or the evolution of life

c) Krishna - 'supreme being' incarnate concept, and acharya of disassociation with impurity and woes: also advisor to Arjuna on the battlefield of Kurukshetra; consort was Radha

d) Chaitanya - 'Golden avatar' of Krishna; monk and teacher by example of devotion

e) Moses - a leader of people who reportedly obtained wisdom from a burning bush

f) Jesus - mortal man considered by some as son of god; teacher of good acts and peace activist (similar to Buddhism); same spiritual plane as Krishna

g) Mohamed - another spiritual guide, like Moses

h) Abraham - damned good with a knife and adept at following orders, but possibly a tad
schizophrenic - 'Son of Sam' heard voices too

i) Sitting Bull - a great warrior and leader of people; a tad bit smarter than Custer, but out-numbered by thieving drunkards...but like Abraham, damned good with a knife; Black Elk was also an 'enlightened one'

j) Gandhi - like Krishna, Jesus, and Abby Hoffman, but with a touch of Thoreau tossed in for good measure

k) Martin Luther King Jr. - same, like Gandhi, Jesus and Abby wrapped into one spiritual burrito, if I may take license

l) Mother Teresa - same playing field as Gandhi (now purportedly to have doubted the existence of a living, loving God after seeing to the needs, suffering and sorrows of life as she had) .....

All of these personages have made their own way to reconcile their soul with 'God', or good karma...it is up to us to make our own way...and we can choose any of these exemplars to guide us, or find our own way as did they.
I think the point is made, and with hopes that my examples were not seen as too trite or offensive. The truth is that I hold onto belief in a higher power, and I believe that there is one, and only one, higher power, and I do not believe this 'being' discriminates love based upon the path the follower is taking on his/her way back homeward. After all, what is in a name?

2.) Point number two leads me back to point one - if Genesis is correct, then the first people on earth were Adam and Eve...they had two sons, Abel and Cain....now my question is a simple one. If two sons were born, and no mention of a daughter was made, then how did the human race propagate? I see many ways to take this plunge, but I'll leave it to the scholars to debunk since it seems a 'touchy' subject.

3.) I sense that I have placed myself in the auspicious company of Salman Rushdie for speaking my form of 'blasphemy'....what is important to note is, is that I am a believer - I believe in a higher 'source' or 'existence', it is merely that I view it in an atypical way....I believe that our outcome is in our own hands....not written on a scroll, or in a book. Heresy is another non-secular principle thrown about with wreck less abandon in an otherwise secular, or agnostic world.

But no, I am not atheist...far, far from it (any yes, I know I should not start a sentence with a conjunction, e.g., 'but')....and most probably I am far from being agnostic, and on and on ad infinitum...it's that I just have 'different' beliefs on Godhead, and the meaning of 'God'. (Read on to 4 & 5 and perhaps see why I choose to differ my viewpoints.)

4.). God has a warped since of humor. He instructed Abraham (i.e., Abe heard a voice in his head) to take his son Isaac to the mountain top to shorten Isaac's height by a head or so. At the last minute [HE] said 'whoa! it was just a joke man...just a test to see if you loved me more than you loved your son', 'but you gotta' admit Abe, it was a helluva hilarious stunt'.

5.) God so loved the world that he gave his #1 for the sins of mankind. So, God loves me, but I have been taught all of my life of a need to fear God? Let's frame this right, he loves me, but I'd better not piss him off or to hell for eternity I go? hmm? now there's unique concept.

6.) Well, I haven't decided on 6 yet, but here is what I'll add at this point. I tend to believe in the thought that our destiny is in our own hands. It's not written in some mythological book like Harry Potter....we all have 'God Soul' inside of us...just as we all have 'Satan Soul' inside of us...it is up to us to choose our path...good/bad, yin/yang/, anima/animus, light/dark, ...the fork in the proverbial road - the karma of action, the karma of result.

Me, I choose not to come back to this putrid, corrupt and evil earth...I choose to go on to be with the enlightened ones on another spiritual plane. Enough! It's late, I'm drained, and I'm not making my case very well, so I'll recess court for now.

I don't even know how to give this a title

And I've gotta' track my moods 'cause I'm fucking off the reservation! Jesus! And I don't necessarily buy into that either....People, we've gotta' all wake up before it's too late...let's start by tasting the bullshit as it is crammed down our collective throat...that's a good jumping off point to start....hell, I advocate Civil Disobedience under my Constitutional Rights to Freedom of Speech, Freedom to Assemble, Freedom to Peacefully disagree as I am getting fucked up the ass by Washington....anyone else ready to join me?

Charting My Moods

So, I need to try to get 'upbeat'.
At the suggestion of my shrink, I've been filling out this online mood tracker that is supposed to help me, and her, to see how I cycle, and what may be the triggers, how my meds are doing, and etc.. I am a bit confused about how the site is set...confused, which is to say my normal frame of mind...I get an e-mail every morning directing me to my tracking page, at which point I am to track my moods, manic/depression and triggers, as though I can remember yesterday. Memory, or loss thereof, has been an issue since the chemo...possibly could be what is called chemo brain, could be drugs I am now on, could be the disease, or most likely, a combination of all.
So my thinking is to see if I can track my moods 'real-time' since I can't remember yesterdays'....other than to say that Paul's 'Yesterday' pretty much turned me off...in other words, and I dis-like the phrase 'in other words', but here I took exception...so, in other words, I want to track my moods as they occur....seems to make sense to me, but then again, I have some 'issues', so who is to say what makes sense, or is right from wrong.
Well, enough pure garbage for now...at least I have made an attempt to get back at this....I'll be back soon and then hopefully pick up the tempo.

Still in a Fog

I have basically been in a funk since the last posting here. I have done some work with links, avatars, etc., but the writing has been roadblocked. I have posted some poems and etc., on my links, but my journal is in a state of 'under construction' once again. I need to pull this page back to what I intended it to be...basically, the life of me....or, 'my book'. Check back frequently, but in the meanwhile, check my poetry pages for new postings. Thanks.

Weed

Okay, this will be a divergence from the normal, but if you'll note, I really have no established norm, other than non-conformance...so I guess this piece with fit like a hand into a glove. I will be short and to the point with this.

It's time to quit fuck farting around and fucking about with the bogus war on drugs...it's high time (now 'High Times', how about that as a pun) to legalize marijuana and put some profit back into the government coffers at the same time. This is, after all, according to the book of Genesis, a seed bearing plant that God placed here for us to make use of (Genesis...the first book in the Holy Bible, on which I would be required to swear to tell the truth if I were arrested for possession of marijuana)

That's right, decriminalization just as an exact duplication of the end of Prohibition in the early 30's...during prohibition the only people who profited were the criminals (e.g., Al Capone, for one).....the Kennedy family made their fortune, and many were poisoned by tainted and impure alcohol (drug). It's the same way currently with marijuana. When the government figured a way to tax alcohol, then low and be by god fucking behold, it became legal...it was no longer a poison...overnight folks! Just like that! So it would seem to follow that marijuana would present a perfect parallel comparison.

But now, with a economic downturn, the likes of which have not be seen since the early 30's, and waging an asinine non-existent war on drugs in Columbia (my ass) - we spend money for nothing, and bring nothing back in return. We should not be surprised that in the age of Haliburton, lobbyist's, cronyism, and big business, that our government would spend billions of dollars to pad the pockets of large money contractors who pumped high amounts of capital into the election and political future of the candidate of there benefit.....er, I meant choice. Scratch mine, I'll scratch yours....it's really that simple folks....no quantum physics involved here....just corruption and greed.

Absolutely there are ways to calculate taxable and regulated grades of marijuana (just as with alcohol)...provided this is government grown, high-quality weed, free of pesticides and other chemicals.

Let's think about what could conceivably be the reason(s) for not de-criminalizing? Let's get well beyond the fact that the reason might be given that the government cares for the health and well-being of the children.....if that were the case, then why the fuck are our kids being sacrificed in dumb-ass wars in Iraq and Afghanistan?

Could it be cutting into the profit of alcohol manufacturer's (since a good deal of people would prefer a good smoke over a drunken stupor and subsequent hangover)....not to say that a beer or two would not set well after the smoke...so it wouldn't be a total loss to big alcohol.

Could it be that the by-product hemp...now that has long stuck in the craw of cotton growers because hemp fabric is much more durable than cotton, and would be much more abundant than cotton if marijuana were legalized.

Okay, so we've covered two....so what else?

Could it be that big pharmaceutical objects based on the grounds that marijuana is proven to be much more beneficial in certain cases such as easing of nausea and pain in cancer cases, and other chronic diseases and illnesses....helping glaucoma patients to see, for example, alternative treatment of stress and depression for another, verses highly toxic and costly psychotropic drugs, which we have no idea of the effectiveness or long term side effects...so could it be that we have found yet a third reason to resist?

Take My Advice

Another day in the zone. I swear I need to shake this 'thing' before it does me down. All I want to do is sleep. Chronic fatigue from the Hep? Probably. Disease in forward progression? Well, we know it isn't going backwards for sure, so quite possibly this is the next step.

This is no way to be, I can assure you of that. Take heed, take heed. Hopefully I can get something down on here worthwhile...though the advice to take heed is the most worthwhile advice I can pose.