It's Time

...to do away with regression therapies, and move forward to progressive thoughts. I have come to realize that some ghosts will ride with me 'til I die...still other's I will never share/cannot ever share, with any other soul...these, I recognize, serve as a penance, if you will; the down cycle of the Karmic wheel....the reaction to the action. I have accepted that no amount of discussion can ever cleanse me of these, and so I carry them silently with me to the pyre as designed.

Okay, so let's break this down a bit...

...obviously from my writing it is crystal clear that a hint of non-conformity to societal doctrines is present...a throwback to the 60's I am perhaps, and as CSNY framed it best, 'Carry On'...and I do. Like Wavy Gravy and Country Joe.

My spiritual roots are based in 'Eastern' philosophical loam...teachings of The Bhagavad Gita, Bhakti Yoga, Karma Yoga, and simply, Humanity, but I find at present the way of the Bodhisattva (Buddhism ), and Tao, or literally, 'the way', as the easiest concept for the unfamiliar, or novice 'God-seeker' to grasp ... as I don't have what I would consider a personal relationship with a "god' as of yet, although I have been my happiest in Krishna Consciousness, I find myself still getting angry at God (or the concept of 'him') ...I guess much the way he gets angry with me...so I call it a draw.

1.) This is not to say that I don't believe in Jesus...most likely I do, but only as a mortal teacher of 'Godly' ways....if I am to believe that Jesus is the son of God, then God raped and impregnated the Virgin Mary, and coveted Joseph's wife (there are some commandments being broken here...to the best of my Biblical knowledge, and I just cannot tolerate that canon). Fuzzy logic to me.

So, in my feeble mind, it follows that such great teacher's as below are all 'God' incarnate, or walked this walk after being deposited here by an alien space race ~ or could this concept be that we (us, the human race) simply need to assign something 'tangible' to the god concept to hold onto to assure us that this life is not in futile vain, and that there is a force 'out there' that loves us:

a) Buddha - mortal man...the 'enlightended one' concept, and first teacher of disassociation to attachment and doing 'un' to others ~ lead by example

b) Lao Tzu- mortal monk and one of many teachers of the way (Tao) ~ basis behind Buddhism, Hinduism, and even Plato...harmony achieved by total acceptance of change, or the evolution of life

c) Krishna - 'supreme being' incarnate concept, and acharya of disassociation with impurity and woes: also advisor to Arjuna on the battlefield of Kurukshetra; consort was Radha

d) Chaitanya - 'Golden avatar' of Krishna; monk and teacher by example of devotion

e) Moses - a leader of people who reportedly obtained wisdom from a burning bush

f) Jesus - mortal man considered by some as son of god; teacher of good acts and peace activist (similar to Buddhism); same spiritual plane as Krishna

g) Mohamed - another spiritual guide, like Moses

h) Abraham - damned good with a knife and adept at following orders, but possibly a tad
schizophrenic - 'Son of Sam' heard voices too

i) Sitting Bull - a great warrior and leader of people; a tad bit smarter than Custer, but out-numbered by thieving drunkards...but like Abraham, damned good with a knife; Black Elk was also an 'enlightened one'

j) Gandhi - like Krishna, Jesus, and Abby Hoffman, but with a touch of Thoreau tossed in for good measure

k) Martin Luther King Jr. - same, like Gandhi, Jesus and Abby wrapped into one spiritual burrito, if I may take license

l) Mother Teresa - same playing field as Gandhi (now purportedly to have doubted the existence of a living, loving God after seeing to the needs, suffering and sorrows of life as she had) .....

All of these personages have made their own way to reconcile their soul with 'God', or good karma...it is up to us to make our own way...and we can choose any of these exemplars to guide us, or find our own way as did they.
I think the point is made, and with hopes that my examples were not seen as too trite or offensive. The truth is that I hold onto belief in a higher power, and I believe that there is one, and only one, higher power, and I do not believe this 'being' discriminates love based upon the path the follower is taking on his/her way back homeward. After all, what is in a name?

2.) Point number two leads me back to point one - if Genesis is correct, then the first people on earth were Adam and Eve...they had two sons, Abel and Cain....now my question is a simple one. If two sons were born, and no mention of a daughter was made, then how did the human race propagate? I see many ways to take this plunge, but I'll leave it to the scholars to debunk since it seems a 'touchy' subject.

3.) I sense that I have placed myself in the auspicious company of Salman Rushdie for speaking my form of 'blasphemy'....what is important to note is, is that I am a believer - I believe in a higher 'source' or 'existence', it is merely that I view it in an atypical way....I believe that our outcome is in our own hands....not written on a scroll, or in a book. Heresy is another non-secular principle thrown about with wreck less abandon in an otherwise secular, or agnostic world.

But no, I am not atheist...far, far from it (any yes, I know I should not start a sentence with a conjunction, e.g., 'but')....and most probably I am far from being agnostic, and on and on ad infinitum...it's that I just have 'different' beliefs on Godhead, and the meaning of 'God'. (Read on to 4 & 5 and perhaps see why I choose to differ my viewpoints.)

4.). God has a warped since of humor. He instructed Abraham (i.e., Abe heard a voice in his head) to take his son Isaac to the mountain top to shorten Isaac's height by a head or so. At the last minute [HE] said 'whoa! it was just a joke man...just a test to see if you loved me more than you loved your son', 'but you gotta' admit Abe, it was a helluva hilarious stunt'.

5.) God so loved the world that he gave his #1 for the sins of mankind. So, God loves me, but I have been taught all of my life of a need to fear God? Let's frame this right, he loves me, but I'd better not piss him off or to hell for eternity I go? hmm? now there's unique concept.

6.) Well, I haven't decided on 6 yet, but here is what I'll add at this point. I tend to believe in the thought that our destiny is in our own hands. It's not written in some mythological book like Harry Potter....we all have 'God Soul' inside of us...just as we all have 'Satan Soul' inside of us...it is up to us to choose our path...good/bad, yin/yang/, anima/animus, light/dark, ...the fork in the proverbial road - the karma of action, the karma of result.

Me, I choose not to come back to this putrid, corrupt and evil earth...I choose to go on to be with the enlightened ones on another spiritual plane. Enough! It's late, I'm drained, and I'm not making my case very well, so I'll recess court for now.

I don't even know how to give this a title

And I've gotta' track my moods 'cause I'm fucking off the reservation! Jesus! And I don't necessarily buy into that either....People, we've gotta' all wake up before it's too late...let's start by tasting the bullshit as it is crammed down our collective throat...that's a good jumping off point to start....hell, I advocate Civil Disobedience under my Constitutional Rights to Freedom of Speech, Freedom to Assemble, Freedom to Peacefully disagree as I am getting fucked up the ass by Washington....anyone else ready to join me?

Charting My Moods

So, I need to try to get 'upbeat'.
At the suggestion of my shrink, I've been filling out this online mood tracker that is supposed to help me, and her, to see how I cycle, and what may be the triggers, how my meds are doing, and etc.. I am a bit confused about how the site is set...confused, which is to say my normal frame of mind...I get an e-mail every morning directing me to my tracking page, at which point I am to track my moods, manic/depression and triggers, as though I can remember yesterday. Memory, or loss thereof, has been an issue since the chemo...possibly could be what is called chemo brain, could be drugs I am now on, could be the disease, or most likely, a combination of all.
So my thinking is to see if I can track my moods 'real-time' since I can't remember yesterdays'....other than to say that Paul's 'Yesterday' pretty much turned me off...in other words, and I dis-like the phrase 'in other words', but here I took exception...so, in other words, I want to track my moods as they occur....seems to make sense to me, but then again, I have some 'issues', so who is to say what makes sense, or is right from wrong.
Well, enough pure garbage for now...at least I have made an attempt to get back at this....I'll be back soon and then hopefully pick up the tempo.

Still in a Fog

I have basically been in a funk since the last posting here. I have done some work with links, avatars, etc., but the writing has been roadblocked. I have posted some poems and etc., on my links, but my journal is in a state of 'under construction' once again. I need to pull this page back to what I intended it to be...basically, the life of me....or, 'my book'. Check back frequently, but in the meanwhile, check my poetry pages for new postings. Thanks.

Weed

Okay, this will be a divergence from the normal, but if you'll note, I really have no established norm, other than non-conformance...so I guess this piece with fit like a hand into a glove. I will be short and to the point with this.

It's time to quit fuck farting around and fucking about with the bogus war on drugs...it's high time (now 'High Times', how about that as a pun) to legalize marijuana and put some profit back into the government coffers at the same time. This is, after all, according to the book of Genesis, a seed bearing plant that God placed here for us to make use of (Genesis...the first book in the Holy Bible, on which I would be required to swear to tell the truth if I were arrested for possession of marijuana)

That's right, decriminalization just as an exact duplication of the end of Prohibition in the early 30's...during prohibition the only people who profited were the criminals (e.g., Al Capone, for one).....the Kennedy family made their fortune, and many were poisoned by tainted and impure alcohol (drug). It's the same way currently with marijuana. When the government figured a way to tax alcohol, then low and be by god fucking behold, it became legal...it was no longer a poison...overnight folks! Just like that! So it would seem to follow that marijuana would present a perfect parallel comparison.

But now, with a economic downturn, the likes of which have not be seen since the early 30's, and waging an asinine non-existent war on drugs in Columbia (my ass) - we spend money for nothing, and bring nothing back in return. We should not be surprised that in the age of Haliburton, lobbyist's, cronyism, and big business, that our government would spend billions of dollars to pad the pockets of large money contractors who pumped high amounts of capital into the election and political future of the candidate of there benefit.....er, I meant choice. Scratch mine, I'll scratch yours....it's really that simple folks....no quantum physics involved here....just corruption and greed.

Absolutely there are ways to calculate taxable and regulated grades of marijuana (just as with alcohol)...provided this is government grown, high-quality weed, free of pesticides and other chemicals.

Let's think about what could conceivably be the reason(s) for not de-criminalizing? Let's get well beyond the fact that the reason might be given that the government cares for the health and well-being of the children.....if that were the case, then why the fuck are our kids being sacrificed in dumb-ass wars in Iraq and Afghanistan?

Could it be cutting into the profit of alcohol manufacturer's (since a good deal of people would prefer a good smoke over a drunken stupor and subsequent hangover)....not to say that a beer or two would not set well after the smoke...so it wouldn't be a total loss to big alcohol.

Could it be that the by-product hemp...now that has long stuck in the craw of cotton growers because hemp fabric is much more durable than cotton, and would be much more abundant than cotton if marijuana were legalized.

Okay, so we've covered two....so what else?

Could it be that big pharmaceutical objects based on the grounds that marijuana is proven to be much more beneficial in certain cases such as easing of nausea and pain in cancer cases, and other chronic diseases and illnesses....helping glaucoma patients to see, for example, alternative treatment of stress and depression for another, verses highly toxic and costly psychotropic drugs, which we have no idea of the effectiveness or long term side effects...so could it be that we have found yet a third reason to resist?

Take My Advice

Another day in the zone. I swear I need to shake this 'thing' before it does me down. All I want to do is sleep. Chronic fatigue from the Hep? Probably. Disease in forward progression? Well, we know it isn't going backwards for sure, so quite possibly this is the next step.

This is no way to be, I can assure you of that. Take heed, take heed. Hopefully I can get something down on here worthwhile...though the advice to take heed is the most worthwhile advice I can pose.

poppies will make them sleep

Hey blog....how have you been? It's been a few days. I have been fatigued beyond belief, and have been sleeping most of the time I have been away (and no, it's not 'turkey coma'....go light on the karmi you know). I am only up and on here now at the coaxing and prodding of my family...otherwise, I would sleep.
I am no doctor, but I know enough to listen to my own body....I fear the disease is on the move once again. You just cannot realize how much of a bummer that is to me.

For those of you who abuse chemical substances (prescription drugs or other 'man-made' substances), or are thinking of taking such drugs (excluding marijuana, for which I remain a staunch advocate of the de-criminalization for possession or use -recreational or medicinal - or any naturally occurring ceremonial plants such as peyote and psilocybin, of which I remain an advocate for regulated usage only under the guidance of a qualified, well-practiced and well-intended Shaman or sage, for spiritual practice and/or medicinal uses only...also, I highly advise to steer clear of jimson weed, morning glory and nutmeg)....take this message to serious heart. For where I am is where you don't want to be...no no, not at all.

There are better ways to 'alter' your consciousness.....seek them out and try them first. Meditation and Bhakti yoga are two good alternatives. Hatha yoga and breathing exercise, or even a walk or a good book, as mundane as it sounds, can help when you need a reality break.

Here We Go Again - 2

I no sooner posted the previous and turned on the tele...it's on folks!!! Mother India, Mumbai is burning and the death toll is rising...conflicted man fights on the battle of Kurukshetra once again! This time with AK's and bombs....no elephants packing howdahs - no Pachydermata battering rams, no quiver of arrows or charioteers...ah yes, the progress of man

Here We Go Again

I'll try to make this one short...partly because I am sick of the subject, and mainly because I am not feeling very well today...

Just one (1) day after 'Lame Duck' Bush gave a speech on God knows what (I really don't pay him that much attention anymore, but I caught just enough of it to make me ill), wherein he stated that we need to re-focus our emphasis on Afghanistan, and Al Qaeda, and the people behind 9/11....HOLY SHIT!! NO!!! ?? Did we get sidetracked somewhere from that 'original plan'? SAY IRAQ!!! What an imbecile....Jesus man, how many days left?? And I swear, if you look at his left eye (which I believe would be controlled by his right brain, or the creative, 'bullshit', lying side), you can see evil....not that the whole face does not say 'duh', but there is just something damned demented with that left eye...check it out for yourself.

Okay, so I digressed just a tad - so where was I? Oh yeah, one (1) day after that speech, and the news comes on today "BREAKING NEWS"...a phrase not so significant in and of itself in these days of TERROR!!! It's good copy, and it sells...but here it was again "Breaking News"..."Terror Alert!!!" Government says credible evidence of an Al Qaeda planned attack on New York subways during the Holiday Season........ah man, I'm tired and I don't feel good....anyway, you don't need anymore of this story to piece it together......check the link below, or Google any of the numerous links found on the Web based around the theory behind controlling society with the presence of fear and terror...Mr. Sulu, take us to 'Code Rainbow'....aye aye 'skipper'....ah yes, George Takei

PS: if I've botched the spelling, thinkology, or wordsmithing, etc., the repair will have to wait...I need to go lay down

http://www.onlinejournal.com/artman/publish/article_277.shtml
"How our governments use terrorism to control us"
By Tim Howells
Online Journal Contributing Writer,

Nov 28, 2005, 13:55

The sponsorship of terrorism by western governments, targeting their own populations, has been a taboo subject. Although major scandals have received cursory coverage in the media, the subject has been allowed to immediately disappear without discussion or investigation. Therefore the appearance this year of two major studies of this subject is a welcome breakthrough, and provides essential reading for anyone struggling to understand the events of September 11, 2001 and the post September 11 world.
The studies are complementary. NATO's Secret Armies, Operation Gladio and Terrorism in Western Europe by Daniele Ganser concerns terrorism sponsored by American and British intelligence in Western Europe and Turkey between the end of World War II and 1985. The War on Truth, 9/11, Disinformation, and the Anatomy of Terrorism by Nafeez Mosaddeq Ahmed chronicles the cultivation and sponsorship of militant Islamic terrorism by the intelligence services of the United States, Britain and Russia from 1979 to the present...[sic]

War on Terror is Paying Off

Efforts to bring stabilization and democracy to the Pakistan and Afghan border regions are beginning to show signs of significant progress. In a public show of vindication of the harsh criticisms dealt to the Bush Administration for it's floundering and mis-guided efforts to bring to capture the masterminds of 9/11, this photo was recently released showing the American pastime of football as having now replaced the favored national sport of head polo.

Here, Abdul Rahkmanaha Ahanamkhar celebrates a touchdown by the Afghan Flying Carpets early in the fourth quarter. The Carpets went on to win the game by a decisive victory over the Pakistani Dromedaries in the closing minutes of the game. As Dromedary field goal kicker Indirah Prakash Patel kicked what would have been the tie breaking field goal, a stinger anti-aircraft missile was fired from the stands, immediately intercepting the flight path of the football. (Photo courtesy of NY Times)

Chatty Cathy

Sarah Palin? Hey, as a rule, I'm not one to be castigating and sitting in judgement, but as the old cliche rings out, 'rules are meant to be broken', I will make an exception just this once. Does she not have any 'media handlers'? I'm certain that anyone who keeps up on the news has seen the latest in the serious of mis-steps (i.e., the turkey farm incident), so I won't ramble on about that.

I am just really, really curious as to how she even made it to the office of Governor of a State...honestly, I give the Eskimos a great deal of credit for having the knowledge to be able to live in a house made of ice, so I don't think it's the constituency of Alaska that allowed it to happen (unless of course, the majority of the constituency of Alaska is comprised of people like the guy at the turkey farm responsible for decapitating the turkey and draining it's life juices...now that is one distinct possibility. However, I think something else is at work here, something more devious and sinister. And I'm suspicious.

This woman presents herself not much unlike a 'Chatty Cathy' doll. She is asked a relatively simple question, and I swear it's like a string has been pulled in her back, and out comes this lengthy, rambling pack of random inane non-sense that a moderately sane person cannot possibly connect the dots to.

Not only can she not seem to give an answer relevant to the question asked, but she just keeps on cutting her own throat as she speaks...she just doesn't know when to stop. It's like a can full of BB's rattling around on a conveyor belt...Lord, somebody stop the line and remove the can. It's really embarrassing....for her, and even for the Russians I suspect...whom, by the way, can see her in her backyard.

Here's One

Saw on the news today that the machine on board the Space Station for converting urine into potable water is broken down (I didn't even know they did that). I would have thought that since we gave a 750Billion dollar bailout to Wall Street, that we could have afforded a few cases of bottled water for these space agents. Reportedly, the astronauts are working on it to try to get it up and running so that they will have drinkable water by the time they return to earth.

Hey look! Seriously folks, I can't make this crap up!

Conspiracy Theorist?

I have been accused of this, and maybe rightly so. You can be your own judge.

JFK....single bullet theory... this is absolutely unbelievable...and why are the files still not public domain? A 'Golden-Oldie'...enough said.

Iraq...you're intelligent enough...you figure that one out?

War on terror...bullshit! Code orange.

Bin Laden is too illusive to capture in those mountains. Yeah, and I can shape shift into a water buffalo! We have satellites that can lift the date off of a dime from hundreds of miles away....yeah, too illusive my ass! Did he ever exist?

Okay, where am I going with this?
I am to believe we landed man on the moon...uh, maybe...but there is well documented evidence to give rise to skepticism for me - you can research this one yourself and draw your own conclusions.

So now, we have landed man on the Moon, we have landed on Mars and have a rover roving about, we have satellites reaching the outermost realms of our galaxy....and we can't even cure the common cold? Come on man! I didn't flunk potato peeling 101.

So here is my belief, and it is a simple one that boils right down to the bottom line...economics and job security.

1.) If medical science were to provide cures for cancer, HIV, HCV, and all the other 'incurable diseases', then the profit margin of the drug companies would be severely comprised.

1a.) Doctors would find themselves losing caseloads (i.e., profit)

2.) If medical science cure these diseases, then what would remain to petition Congress for research dollars for...the sexual habits of the fruit fly is already taken...so there goes job security for the research scientists.

So in my diseased way of thinking....call me paranoid, I'm okay with that, but I've been around awhile too... I smell conspiracy between the medical community and drug research/drug companies...and toss in a goodly amount of insurance company corruption, and there you have it. Oh, you doubt me and would rather trust in 'Big Business'? Fine. The state of affairs we find our economy in is directly attributed to corruption in Corporate America...so trust the rotten bastards if you wish. I sure don't.

Call me mentally adrift, but if I am to believe that HIV was caused by man screwing a green monkey, while during Vietnam it was 'leaked' that a biological weapon had been developed that resembled the HIV virus in all manner of action/transmission...but it had to be 'tested' to determine it's efficacy....so now, hmm? What segment of society is most expendable...who would be least likely to be missed? Ah ha! We have our test group....queers!

Now, what about HepC.....hmm? Ah ha, lets target the dopers...the ignorant asses won't know what hit them anyway. Right!.

Also, what happened to the oil eating amoeba that was unleashed for containing (eating) oil spills from oil tankers...the amoeba that went out of control....man, the rug went over that one quick. Not a peep to be heard.

Hepatitis C...okay, my plague, a virus so small that it has to be detected under a microscope. It can replicate and ravage a body 20 ~ 30 years after the infection.....................ah, it's late and this is turning into a babble, which I didn't want it to do, so before I babble on....ah ha, there it is, Babylon, the Tower of 'Screw the Idolaters' with double-speak and bullshit! Got it!

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!

Watching C-Span (Senate) today....entire day is being wasted on patronizing platitudes for convicted felon Ted Stevens as he says 'good-bye' (lost his re-election bid too)...a real tear jerker. Senators talking about how fair he is, how honest he is, what he did for Alaska, and on and on....enough to make me vomit! I say 'good-riddance'!

And to boot, they pacified Joe 'the Judas' Lieberman by allowing him to remain Chairman of the Homeland Security Committee.

The CEO's of the Big Three Auto were in DC asking Congress for an additional 25Billion to bail them out...again......turns out all three of them flew into DC on their own private corporate jets with their hands out.

"Joe the Plumber' cuts a book deal..... and I can't hack it anymore!!!

Anyone want to start our own country with me? This one is taking a mighty flush!!!

As you can tell, this is a spin-out day for me....this is how this roller-coaster ride plays out....up/down....down/up......depression and mania......I'm absolutely certain I had 'issues' prior to the chemo, but man! This is a balloon effect. This is the part of me that can be observed for case study of a man coming undone right before your eyes. Read the left-hand column of my journal page...it tells the story...I have to get off of here because I am in a major spin-out.

MAN!!!! I WANT TO SCREAM AND USE VILE VULGARITIES THAT COULD BE FOUND IN A MICKEY SPILLANE NOVEL, OR HUSTLER, OR THE TIP OF MY TONGUE AND BRAIN...BUT I AM TRYING REAL HARD TO MOVE BEYOND THAT FRACTION OF ME .....I AM TRYING, BUT GOD MAN, I WANT TO LET A FEW FLY!!!!

Alaskan Senator Ted 'Pork Barrel' Stevens after learning that he'd lost his Senate seat that he has occupied for ten terms. Here he looks as if he has seen his maker - given the fact that he will most probably face prison time as well, for corruption in office, I can see how he might be looking that way (pic lifted from AP, so credit due to them).
Don't feel too badly for Ted though - Google around awhile and see what you can dig up about his 'house' in Alaska that he...er, did I say 'he'?...I meant 'we', built for him. It just slightly nicer than my house, and so even if he does time, he'll still have his modest home to return to. Land that I love.

What a difference sleep makes

Flip the switch on the son of a bitch, it's called an eye for an eye

Tighten the noose, so you can cook his goose and hang him high and dry

He's killed your kid, Christ says to forgive, what a dilemma have thy

So follow your belief, or go with your grief, and take the eye for an eye

The Death Penalty

To put to death as a punishment for killing because 'Thou Shall Not Kill"

To kill a mockingbird - an old movie set in the deep south starring Gregory Peck

To kill time - a waste of time

Kill joy - a buzz kill

Buzz kill - a dead fly

Dead fly - draws flies

Death - brings death

'What'd'ya know Joe'... 'say it aint' so Joe'....'there you go again Joe'....'Joe the Waffler'....'Joe the Turn Coat'...'Joe the Judas'...'Joe the Man Without a Country Joe'....

This pic is lifted from NY Times, so credit to them for the photo. According to the Rorschach test I just administered myself, I see a man with both sides of a fence squarely up his ass.

Hey Joe, ye' reap what you sow!

retrospective regrets

As I look at my words from last evening, I wish I hadn't spun out like I did....but I did it, and I won't retract or redact what has been done. I believe in what I said, though I am certain I didn't say it with great tact or taste, and it does not fit within the context of what I had planned for this journal. If I came across a bit 'biased', then I am sorry....I had a point to make in response to a statement that set me sideways.

Taking Exception (a late night rant)

Book TV, ah yes, a must see for me...you see.

The following is a diversion from my intent for this page - my journal - however, this was on my mind, and now it's on this page. Hopefully, these detours will be few and far between.

Author of the book 'Betrayal' by Houston A. Baker Jr., an author of African descent, today made the comment that "the black intellectual in America has betrayed the Civil Rights Movement". I could not disagree more.

First, let's get this all out on the table and then move on. I acknowledge that we all harbor some degree of either latent, or overt, racism, hatred, or animosity towards others of different skin color and culture. Perhaps if we were all blind, but I digress to simply thinking that this is some grand design matter, or simply fear and ignorance. I will however, confess that my misgivings are minimal at its very worst...as my black Brother Is Said can attest...or, as my black sister-in-law and mixed-race niece and nephew can attest.

Back to Mr. Houston's assertion that intellectual blacks have ruined the Civil Rights Movement - I can rattle off a handful of intellectual blacks who come to mind straight off the top of my head that are not the exception to prove his rule, but rather, are the rule to prove the fallacy of his statement - Barrack Obama, the President Elect; General Colin Powell, Dr. Condoleeza Rice, Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson, a renowned Astrophysicist and author of "Death by Black Hole"...and excellent mind and inspiration to me; Dr. Michael Eric Dyson); Congressman Charlie Rangel; the Rev. Al Sharpton - all black, and all of whom I believe most of society would deem 'intellectual'. All of whom have reached, or neared, the pinnacles in their respective arenas, and perhaps all with a little help and loving shove from the work and sacrifice, blood, sweat and tears throughout the 60's, and onward, from the Civil Rights Movement. This, if true, would certainly beg to differ Mr. Houston's proposal.

Actually, I am rather puzzled that Mr. Houston would make such an easily dis-proven claim (other than perhaps to further the sales of his book, which would then entail a certain degree of intellect on his part to make such a maneuver). Why else make this claim when it evidently can be so easily proven inaccurate? Could it be to further propagate a racial divide that has been long in the process of healing, and had made great strides in that direction. Could it simply be that certain intellectual blacks have monetary motives for keeping the issue alive...such as Mr. Houston and his book...Dr. Dyson, and his subtle, or not quite so, militant throwback ideologies...Rev's. Sharpton and Jesse Jackson...their stars burned out long ago....keeping the stew stirred for them only serves to keep them relevant.

The point that I am attempting to make, is that if we are even to begin to get beyond our differences, we need to put aside our fears and hatred of one another, and stop pointing the blame finger that has been pointing for some 200+ years now.

This finger of blame points in many directions. For example, there quite possibly are many blacks who do not understand that it was not only white man who profited from slave trading, but African tribesmen would frequently sell captive enemy tribesmen to white traders....Native Americans were traded to Africa tribes, etc., etc., and so it is long past time to put aside talks of segregation, reparation, African nation and alienation...we are all guilty people, and we are all one nation...under God. We are all one world under God. I cannot, and will not, be held accountable for the actions of my ancestors.

Back to Mr. Houston...the fact that there are becoming more and more prominent black wealthy intellectuals in this country tells me that the Civil Rights Movement is alive and well, and has functioned at least in part as planned.

So I guess my overall point is that you are what you make of yourself (in the presence or absence of Movements, Committees and Associations). Granted, there are some that are born into situations that lend opportunity and chance....but the vast majority of us are not (including myself)...and I am equally aware that geographical boundaries play an important role in modeling us as well.

Turn the Page:
Okay, here comes what I hope is the extent of my 'racism' and peeves, to take it one step further. Black America, don't single out Bill Cosby for being an 'Uncle Tom', as Dr. Dyson may ...rather, embrace his ideas.....black America take pride in yourselves as a race, and as Americans...for 'Christ-sake' young ones, pull up the pants (do you really think the designers of that line of clothing are black, and do you really think that they themselves wear that style of clothing?...c'mon, quit deluding yourselves...you are feeding the very man that you seemingly despise...do you think he gives you a thought as he sits in his penthouse apartment while dining on caviar, champagne, sugar sweet ladies and $50 cigars? - All the while you are in the street trying to survive?) ...and one other pet peeve...please speak with clarity...quit the coded jive bullshit talk...that act shows a bias in and of itself, and an immature ignorance to boot...and the bustin' caps and selling dope...a lot of the negativity is self-imposed you know (to borrow a line from the movie Forest Gump, "stupid is as stupid does").

Okay, so here is a little bit more of my racial biasing...I hope. However, if you care to read on, you will see that I am an equal opportunity bigot.

Let's look at it this was - If I rob a bank, then I am a bank robber....agreed? If I murder, then I am a murderer...this we all understand. Okay, so to take it one further - If you portray 'da hood', then you are 'da hood', and the rest of society will definitely avoid you at all costs and in all ventures, and 'da hood' receives the notoriety that you are bringing down on it. Is that how you choose to excercise your Civil Rights? A vicious circle.

Further, to the white man, if you act as white trash, then you are white trash...it simply is what it is, and it comes down to a matter of pride in yourself. If you portray the 'Goth', then you bring about the circus side-show freak 'ism' that is cast upon you. We have experienced Columbine and wish no more, so be on notice that the world does not care for the look or thought process. And, if you are a 'red-neck', rest assured it clearly shows - and here's your sign.

Let's all step back and do the math here. Let's put all of the bullshit ignorance, divisions, and hatred behind and move forward....it is after all, the 21st century...it's time to get beyond cowboy mentality and war mongering, white hoods and burning crosses, drive-by shootings and pimping ho's fly booties g phat g phat/'get'r done', Rebel license plates, Blatz and belch, jig-a-boo and worse, Don Imus and his 'nappy headed ho's' comment....it all has to go if we are to make it as a people...as a world!!!

Let's row the boat together people...all colors, all races, all cultures, with one common goal and sensibility. We need no Civil Rights Movement, or NAACP, NAAWP, NRA, CIA, FBI, etc., etc., to make that happen...it all comes down to us....you and me!

Mr. Houston, I only wish I had the forum you were given...I only wish you could read me. You sir, are wrong....we are only what we make of ourselves, not what an organization makes of us...the fact that you have a published novel bears that out, as I would assume you credit yourself for that work, and not the Civil Rights Movement....but if I am wrong, then I need to ask how much of the proceeds of your book are going to support the movement?

errgh!!!

just finished up with another project on here, so dropped in to drop out...another one of my joys lately has been peripheral neuropathy...I am told it's due to a combination of the chemo and degenerative disk disease (chemo accelerated prior osteoarthritis, resulting in stenosis in my spine...medical blah blah blah)...anyway, a short story long. My feet, consequently, feel like they are sealed in solid blocks of ice...doctor says it because the nerves are telling my head to turn up the heat, and it's absolute misery, drag-foot and the rest. I have this big right toe that is killing me with arthritis (oh yeah, the only toe I can feel on the foot...different nerve bundle they tell me), and is swollen to about twice normal size....anyway, I have this .357 magnum, and I've been seriously considering shooting that toe off.


A fellow guitar man had a mother who had the same deal and she had her toe lopped off with a knife....but then I've had people tell me 'hell man, you won't be able to stand if you do it'.......that's kinda' funny to me....it reminds me of a long gone time when a handful of us 'head cases' were sitting around debating the big debate...I said that when I went that I wanted to be roasted....cremated and then have everyone present cut a line of my ash and snort it...I had this friend Tommy Lee (no, not that one)...he said 'you're crazy man....I'm not snorting your ass!'....gawd that was funny then.....I half expect it still is. Anyway, I'll let you know how that turns out (shooting my toe)...if I don't miss


Hey, as a side-bar, I alluded at one point on here to 'Candy' from out on the island ...when I get up the juice I may parley that entire scene on here....it's runs fairly parallel to 'Candy' and that whole scene from Lou Reed's 'Walk on the Wild Side'....yeah man, I walked it.
Was just thinking...a friend we called 'Hippie' ...he was a whack...had a younger brother Paul who got really gorked on dilaudid and heroin (d's and scag we called it)....was so bad that on one occasion he was hurting so terribly that he scored and couldn't wait until he found clean water....Paul found a mud puddle - guess you can figure the rest. Anyway, Paul, he finally couldn't take it anymore...he found a shotgun solution in the upstairs apartment...that was the end of the days in those digs on the East side.


Yeah, that story....sometime I'll get into it....closer to the day perhaps, so that I won't have to look into the eyes of loved ones for so long after the fact...it's a bruiser

unscrew this

all of this page is in reverse chronological order...or something to that effect...somewhere I saw or dreamt I could change that, but for now this page is in reverse order of idiocy. I'll pull it together here, I swear.....just have a lot on my head at the moment....in the meanwhile, check out my poetry links or my personal links of interest....a few of which belong to friends and mentors.

my ass is sore, so I am off of here for now

The girl who shot me up said that 'no, you don't get sick from this'.......I remember a bunch of the guys I used to work with telling me that it was the sickest they had ever been........I sometimes think doctors have complete tunnel vision to reality.....anyway, she (girl who shot me up)......but it wasn't Candy who came from out on the island.....and if you ever are of the mind to give Lou a listen.....depressing thought, I know.....then 'Walk on the Wild Side' is exactly the story line behind my current situation.....probably shouldn't say this on here, but she was Candy, and really did come from out on the island....and in the backroom she really was everybody's darling..............and I shot myself up, up, up, down.....mama.....anyway, it's all too bizarre how that went down....I should write a cheap, shitty novel about it......sell it for two bits in a sleazy assed bookstore found beside an alley 'cat' where a tenor sax is laying down something really dreadfully gloomy from the neighboring cellar dive where the bar winches dwell and a dude is passed out....tam of a cap on his head.....face down on the bar.......where was I? Scared straight........I could do that gig.....

ah man, did I ever digress on that one.....okay, back to the flu shot...

Shoot Off My Toes

Nuclear fury - I can relate and then a bit to the 'old person' truism (it's no longer a contrived statement either....not long 'e', but rather a long 'i'.....it's here)......cold, dreary, arthritis kicking my ass with Paul Bunyan's foot............it just simply is wonderful..

I'm sure I'll bitch about that some more down the line..

I Hate Hate, and I Hate War

War is an exacting, pre-meditated, calculated means to thin the population of our youth and pad the pockets of the wealthy

If war is to be waged, then it should be the aged and wealthy warring on the battlefield, and not the youth and future

War is attrition, war is genocide, and war must be waged against war

The Bible tells us that ‘thou shall not kill’…yet in every capital punishment trial all who testify must swear truth on the Bible

Spare the Rod...Spare the Child

Huxley idea that is pertinent to me – control through punishment for undesirable behavior is less effective in the long run than control through reinforcement of desirable behavior by rewards. Psychotherapy is largely concerned with the debilitating or anti-social consequences of past punishments

Kurt Cobain had it all Wrong

To go out like Aldous Huxley – 100 micrograms of LSD on his deathbed.

Too much Time on His Hands

Ideas such as ‘The War on Terror’, ‘Threat Level Orange’, ‘Terror, Terror, Terror’, coupled with the fact that the little guy cannot fight ‘city hall’ is the 21st century version of Boganovsky’s Process

Keith Ham Ruined the Image

I had once subscribed to the thinking that communal living and shared responsibility for the common good was the way – ah, communism - then I discovered how power, greed, and megalomania can turn communal life to a dictatorial, monarchial life – I now find that individualism best suits my needs, though I still practice my 'communistic beliefs'

Physical Effects

Note: RLS moderately bad last night….our house is very empty today….Myra is at work and the boys are back in school today after two calamity days plus the weekend….probably not one of my more psychologically fit or emotionally stable days I’d suspect

Who Knows What This Was

Plagued by an overwhelming sense of dread recently…terminality or finality of life itself I suspect…and I just noticed that I tagged yesterday’s entry with tomorrow’s date…chronological dyslexia (I experienced this as a young child of maybe 5 years in preparation for a butchering then known as ‘tonsillectomy’)….not sure if that ritual is practiced any longer…after being administered ether, I was instructed to count backwards from 100 (i.e., the ‘chronological dyslexia’)…I think I made it to maybe 87…that’s a lot of ether I would surmise…and man did I numerically regress…why did I not count sheep I wonder, or fixate on a pleasant thought (though at that age I may not have had much in the library of conceptualism……another ‘ism’ I see)?

Mental Damage

A circle never stops (has no beginning or no end) ~ karma…the circle is born and the circle dies…circle dies and is reborn…born and dies…over and over….ad infinitum

Anomaly

XY Chromosome paradigm (Revisited) -
The duality of man, anima and animus, yin and yang, good and evil, fight or flight, hard or soft, masculine or feminine, penis and vagina….cock, pussy….or both……is this the paradox of choice?

RLS – (restless leg syndrome)
None the previous night, but slow to move this day and indecisive (noteworthy?)…not procrastination I think, but just unable to choose……..there it is again…..the paradox of choice

Goofball Rant

Just heard one of the military ‘talking heads’ on the news talking about the potential (yeah, potential my ass…it’s already in the making) ‘military action’ (fucking war you fucking idiot! Jesus!!!) in Iran…anyway, he went on to say that we wouldn’t see any ‘covert action’ in Iran for some time yet..??? Would we even see it then if it were a ‘covert action’??? And what would the people who were ‘supposedly’ covert at the time think when they found out we knew they were there? Christ! These fucking idiots rule the world???!!

Oh, it gets even better! Just heard our sock monkey of a leader (yeah, that’s right….the Alfred E. Neuman ‘lookalike’….I know I shouldn’t go there, and shouldn’t be that mean, but damnit’ to hell…he’s got us into a debacle that my boys run a risk of having to deal with) on a radio address refer to ‘E’ran….I think that’s the country geographically ‘beside’ ‘E’raq…if I’m not mistaken.…..maybe we can go ashore there with troops since they are a water bounded country and most likely have a ‘peninshula’…..or, what the hell, maybe we should just go ‘nucular’ with ‘em….let’s ask Dick and see what he thinks……when does this goof ever land his goofship?

Effects on the Mind Showing

If the perception of what I perceive is to be altered so that my current perception is no longer what I perceive, then my current perception must be that of the past which is being perceived in the future

Asinine and Inane Non-Sense

What is often the echo of a question asked? When is the echo of a question asked of time? What is frequently the reply to an often-asked question? The echo of a question to be asked of time has yet to be born.

Law of Diminishing Returns

There is a point where you are sick from the natural progression of the disease, sick of being sick, and sick from the mere thought of the sickness, and sickness of thought from the illness

Dark Shadows

Have I not even really begun to realize the damage?

I feel as though the sword of Damocles is hanging over my head and I don’t know why this is happening……..sometimes it feels as if death is riding shotgun with me

I can’t see a future…all that I do see is failure

I've got a secret

There was a time thru all of this (chemo) that my nipples became really sensitive to touch……odd…..this was probably at the start of summer and around the same time my hair began to thin…..about 2 months or so into the treatment my hair began to thin…thankfully that lasted for only maybe 3 or 4 days….my nipples stayed sensitive long enough for us to enjoy them

every ache and pain screws with you

Felt really nauseated and ill last night, and it really hit home…every ache or chill, every rash I have, now haunts me to think the disease may be on the move

A Real Winner

Was always told I could do anything I wanted…be anything I wanted...and I’ve turned it into nothing

Doc's Listen but don't Hear

Too many times now, I have tried to make clear that despite what the studies show, my body tells me otherwise, but I think something must be getting lost in the communication…..I am learning to listen to myself

Geez! Am I an asshole or what?

Advice I have been given of late - I need to sell my guns, write 5 sentences, and the Internet is for the foolish

I am catastrophizing, therefore, I am a catastrophizing individual, and hence, I have become a catastrophe

Me'ism'

‘I’…the most frequently used word in the English vocabulary, ‘no’….the most difficult word to say in the English vocabulary, and ‘you’….the most seldom intended word in the English vocabulary

Rush Limbaugh and other Pure Shit

‘weapons of mass destruction’, ‘Islamic Fascism’, ‘Jihad’, ‘they hate us’, ‘they want to kill us’, ‘threat level elevated’, ‘threat level orange’, ‘terror alert’, ‘terror attack’, ‘war on terror’, ‘they hate our way of life’, ‘they want to kill us’, ‘sleeper cells’, ‘watch lists’, ‘IED’s’ – and box-cutters… just every day words

No News/Good News/No News/Bad News

Coney Island roller coaster ride. I'm trying really hard to get something of substance down on here, but man I've got a lot nibbling at my brain of late. My brother-in-law, Dennis, is once again going in the wrong direction, after having been given slight hope of rebound...it's a dreadful waiting game that we all play here...waiting at the station, ticket in hand.
My oldest son just made it thru a bout of flu, but to be honest, I get scared shitless of the 'stuff'...he's had a cough going on for awhile now, and I need to flush this thought going on in my head.
Hey! How are you doing? Wow, I guess it's true what they say about black and blue...another Dr. appt. tomorrow, another new 'doc'......man, sometimes it's best that the 12ga. is under lock & key.
On the flip-side of life, I had a nice visit with friends at New Vrindaban over the weekend - always good to go back in time....well, let me qualify that, usually good..........thanks Gosh and Vidya...and KB, it's always good to see you!

She-it! I need to jump off of here for now...this (I) feels like a storm cloud.

The Return

Okay, I'm back...
I've been spending way too much time farting around with widgets and gadgets to make this blog more eye appealing and useful...
(I wish the name[r] would've named it something other - blog sounds too reptilian, or pre-historic - or too something disagreeable). Have always been curious as to who gives names, but I digress from that to a later, more rested, frame of mind.
It's early, I'm tired, and my son is down with the flu, and I'm fighting hard not to get it. Brother-in-law is still hanging on and fighting hard...that's a good thing. I'm going to jump off of here for now, go have a cup, and hopefully have something of use to 'blog' (there it is again) about, and finally get this (b)log a 'rollin about when I come back.

Okay, where to start...

Dog barking to get in..guess that's as good a place as any...I'll be back

High anxiety day...really jittery and gray depressed feeling. A lot going on, but it's wasted time here. Okay.

Had this notion hit me like a blast of ball lightning, and I'm not sure why, but I thik it has to do with a prior conversation with a friend, the prospect of an illness, and the castrating effect of joblessness, all wrapped into one nice, neatly bundled ball of shit in my head.

I think this can be used as a psychological tool too? Jesus! Does this indicate where I am?

Chipping Away at the Mountain

Okay - still under construction but have done a bit of work on all of my pages tonight. It's late, my ass is sore from setting here, my meds are kicking in, and news that my brother-in-law is in critical condition...so I'm calling it quits....oh yeah, did I mention it was late too?

Under Construction - Poetry Links ARE, However, Active...

I've been told that my poetry leans towards the dark...perchance, and probably it does??

A young life of Poe and Charles Laughton, and shitty hand - me - down shoes I would guess???

Anyway, I don't anticipate it to always lean that way, but if I start to derail at any point, let me know...this is valuable info to me....my intention is not to chase you away.

- Quasimodo